Update

I have been going to the gym this week with a girl I met on Craigslist. She needed a workout partner and wanted to get fit for when her husband returns from Iraq in September 2009, just like Philip. So, we had a lot in common from the get go. We get along pretty well. I must say she is more motivated right now, but who knows maybe that will change and I will have to push her a little. She is always saying, "15 minutes on the eliptical?". If you don't know what the eliptical machine is, it is basically a stair stepper. It really kills me, but I went for 15 minutes today and 10 minutes yesterday. Plus we do about 20 minutes on the treadmill and do the weight machines. Right now I am really focusing more on the cardio aspect because that is the hardest for me. I have always been very strong and muscular, so I don't have as much trouble lifting weights or getting excited about lifting weights. I can't believe how good working out is feeling!! It has done a lot for me already and it has just been three days! I think it has affected how I sleep, because I got up early today and didn't feel super groggy like I have been feeling. Right now, I am not focusing on the actual losing weight aspect. I am focusing on getting stronger and doing more for my health.

Well, it's been 2 months since Philip left for Iraq. I have to say that all in all it gets harder, not easier. I was just thinking about it today. I think everybody has strength to go a certain amount of time without someone, but then you kind of just go, "Man, I want to see this person NOW!!" That's where I am at. Two months was long enough and now I am ready to have Philip back, but of course it doesn't work that way, so I am pushing along.

Along with my exercising, I have been cooking more and watching what I eat. Basically, I try to put good, whole grains and fiber in me several times a day. I am eating lots of Oranges as my "snack" to stave off cravings. With all these healthy habits, it makes me miss my husband more. I wish I could share this with him. As I was listening to my workout partner, Sabrina, jabber on and on about something that I wasn't really listening to, I thought of Philip and how much I wished I could be working out with him. He truly is my best friend and there isn't anyone else who I would rather workout with. I think about all the times he asked me to go and I just wouldn't. I always came up with an excuse. I guess I just had to really do it for me. When there was no one else making me, but myself. The one thing that has been hitting me lately is just missing simply being someone's wife. Just doing and taking care of someone. Having someone to share your daily thoughts and feelings with.

Driving by the Apaches on post usually brings me happiness. They bring me closer to Philip in a way, because I know that somewhere 7000 miles away he is touching one and fixing one and covered in dust and grease. But, there is definitely a sense of longing. Yesterday as I was driving to the Gym on post, I teared up when I saw the Apaches. I guess after a while you just can't hold in the reality of that longing. I don't cry much. It wouldn't do a lot of good. I mean, maybe I should, but most times I am just numb or in denial of some of what I am feeling. I go to bed alone, wake up alone, and rarely hear my husband's voice for longer than 30 minutes a week. I get used to it and honestly because he can't call that often, I don't anticipate it anxiously. In a way, I like that.

I've been watching Star Trek Deep Space Nine from the beginning. Philip was watching the later seasons when we got married and so now I am going back and catching up on what it was like before the Federation was at war with the Dominion. I have become a true trekkie thanks to my hubby. I liked it a little before, but now, I like it A LOT!!!! ;)



Blessings,
Courtney